Sunday, March 19, 2006

How Am I?

More than a few of you have asked me how I was now with a baby in my life, and the last one to ask was my cousin Jennifer. In the interest of efficiency, and let me tell you a baby either makes you VERY efficient or otherwise insane, I will share with the rest of you what I shared with Jenn:

How am I ... it's hard to say. On the whole happy and amazed, but there's so much that goes into this that I hadn't a clue about, was warned about but never to the degree that reality seems to bring it, and there's nearly never a twist or turn that occurs right now that was in the least bit anticipated. The idea that you're so totally at the beck and call of someone that's only two weeks old, there's just no way in the world to be totally prepared for it, aside quite possibly from having gone through it before but even then I doubt you're fully prepared the next time, you just have less of a reason to be surprised by it all when it happens again.

With Feri's mom here getting sleep during the week, i.e. for work, has been possible, leaving the baby care with Feri and her mom - part of me feels guilty, but a more common sensical part of me kicks in and appreciates that a sleepy daddy riding on I-95 at 6 in the morning likely doesn't have a very good long range survival prospect and if he doesn't survive there's one less bill payer and occasional caregiver around, so get the sleep when you can and feel blessed about it. I sleep on the couch-bed during the week and mom takes the bed with Feri, and on the weekend we swap places - I never had a reason to completely look forward to work days before ... I mean I enjoy work, I like going to work, but there's this part of me still that would just love to stay home, read, and do whatever. Now the work week comes with a pretty set guarantee of getting a full night's sleep, which isn't what comes with the weekend. My quality of life of life and ability to go to work with an unmuddled brain would be vastly different were it not for my wife and mother-in-law, especially this mother-in-law who's willing to take on all that she does.

The baby's in good shape overall, and apparently doing better than the pediatrician expects for a baby her age. I'll just nod my head with that, be
grateful for it now, and hope that it continues. Overall she's lovely, I'm totally smitten, and therefore don't mind nearly as much as I might otherwise that I'm a total slave to the mood, desires, and needs of this bundle of humanity who seems right now to live to sleep, defecate/pee, and occasionally give a look that seems like a smile, which in turns captures your heart, but really, with a realistic assessment, you have to admit is likely her passing some sort of gas. How sick is that, really - your life with this person hinges on the happiness you derive from a smile that's likely just a belch in disguise? Weird ...

So that, in a not so small nutshell, is how I'm doing. I guess it's normal, and on the whole I'm not complaining so there's something to be said for that, so therefore life is good, and thank God tomorrow's Monday and I can go to bed right after I send this - who'd have thought a baby would make me be happy for Monday's? Go figure ...

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